We treat others like we treat ourselves

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Building a software business means you will rely on people. A lot. Like… your success basically depends on how you treat others.

Do you feel you’re being rough with those around you? Friends, spouse, kids, clerks, neighbours?

I was rough with my son, as he was starting to act out. I didn’t want him to turn into an entitled lazy boy, that only watches TV and ignores education.

I couldn’t force him, but I thought being rough will motivate him. Well … it didn’t.

Family is the most important thing in my life. So much so, that I’m reaching out to therapy any time I seem to get stuck into a negative pattern.

I reach out for help right away to overcome it as fast as possible. If you afford Netflix, restaurants, and an iPhone, you afford to get better faster.

How else could I sell my coaching services to help others take leaps instead of crawling?

Sorin, my emotional coach, helped me visualize how the way I treat others is a mirror of how I treat myself.

It’s not other people’s fault. No matter what they do.

Nobody deserves to be humiliated or verbally and emotionally abused.

It’s all the life events that built our believes, fears, desires, habits, and personality over time.

From my dad not being there, to my mom telling me she will send me off to him when I did something bad.

Do seeing her crying so often that I had to develop a “get things done no matter what” attitude.

For many of us, growing up, getting things at every cost saved us from bad family patterns.

But in time, we became rough with ourselves. So we learned to have high expectations of others as well.

We’re rough with them because we developed the belief that rough helps us get things done.

But not anymore. Not as adults. You are enough.

Here’s what I’m covering in the video:

✅ How treating others affects your business
✅ What influenced who and how we are now
✅ How to become nicer and happier without fighting to change

Do you sometimes look at your behavior? And you’re thinking, Man, I really don’t think that I behave well, I, I think that I treat others kind of rough.

Do you feel like sometimes when you look at other people, and you see them, treating other people kind of bad, but you look at their life and you’re like, Oh my god, but they have such an amazing life, they’re so happy.

How can that be? Or they’re just it’s just, you know, something, that it’s not their style to be nice with other people? Or is just, you know, those people are really incompetent or, or how can that happen? So, in this video, I want to talk to you why the way that we treat others, is exactly the way that we treat ourselves.

So the way that we treat others is just a mirror onto how we treat ourselves.

And one thing that I that I want to tell you is a little story about my relationships with my relationship with my son set set that is very special boy, and I love him so much.

But I’m being pretty rough with him many times.

And I’m rough with him, and then I regret it so much.

And, and I even did a lot of therapy last year, not for that.

But that was one of the things that I had to learn a lot from.

And what I realized is that, I do treat them like that, because in me I have wounds and in myself, I have been treated in a certain way.

And it turned me into this person that is kinda rough is sometimes, you know, not gentle enough with people.

And I heard sometimes people around me without even knowing that I do it.

So what I want to say with that is, when you look at other people, and you believe that they have it all figured out, and they’re happy, and they’re rich, and they’re, you know, they’re during the beaches, taking photos with whatever their wealth, and they go wherever they want, but then sometimes you see them, or you hear about them that they behave in a certain way with with people around them.

What I came to realize, from my own experience, that that’s who they really are, because the whales, the posing, and all the riches and everything that you can do that requires money.

It doesn’t define who you are actually inside.

When you have a bad relationship with other people, it’s because you have a bad relationship with yourself.

You may not know it, and most people that pose happy and nice.

And they even say it with their words that Yeah, you know, I’m successful and whatever.

In reality, they don’t have a healthy relationship with with themselves.

And what does that mean having a healthy relationship with yourself, it means that you love and accept yourself as you are, instead of just fighting all the time with yourself.

And just trying and, and doing things because even if those things make you successful in terms of they just give you money, or you build a business, a big business, it doesn’t mean that the ultimate goal for which you are actually building that.

Is, is healthy, is that a healthy stage for you? What do I mean? I mean, money and building a business is not the ultimate purpose for absolutely nobody.

So nobody cares.

In fact about the money itself, about the traveling itself about the you know, buying stuff themselves.

Nobody cares about that itself.

The ultimate goal of everything is the happiness is the emotions that you have.

And you can have all those nice things inside you you feel really bad you feel unloved, you feel like you don’t belong, you feel like people don’t like you and and you can you can take that and you can spin it however you want to make you more money or to make you look good.

Like saying that.

Yeah, I’m just you know, I don’t care about what people say.

And so you can spin it no matter how you want, but deep inside you know exactly who you are.

So if you want a true mirror of what’s going on inside you, but you didn’t have the proper time to spend it, looking inside you and understanding who you are, because it’s hard.

Not everybody can do it.

Like I know people that have millions of millions and they seem to have it all figured out, but they don’t spend hours Old Time, or they don’t even want to talk about emotions and what they feel and what that tells me.

And I’m not talking about the fact that, you know, they want to share with me because you know, you don’t share that stuff with anyone.

But they obviously are uncomfortable, and they don’t want talking about those kinds of things.

And they even explicitly say that those are just flops.

And you have to fight that.

Because all that matters is to build businesses and make money and whatnot.

Ultimately, that tells me about the relationship that they have with themselves.

Now, if you are in that situation, what I want to tell you is that use those kind of use those signals, use the way that you when you talk to somebody, and you’ll feel in your gut that it’s not nice, it’s not encouraging, don’t hide it under the under the excuse that while I’m being robbed, because I love them, no, but you’re being rough because you’re being rough with yourself.

Because you believe and you have been taught and programmed to believe that only if you’re rough with yourself, you can achieve stuff.

But if you are being rough with yourself to achieve stuff, once you have achieved those things, you’re not going to be happy.

Because you have been rough with yourself all the time, and you could not be happy with yourself, because you don’t like yourself.

So the ultimate thing that we all want is love and belonging.

And, you know, maybe the hierarchy of needs and you know, the fact that beyond you know all the certainty that you have everything that you need in terms of you know, the basic needs, and then there’s the love and affection and the feeling of belonging.

And beyond that it comes you know, it comes the self esteem and the self actualization self esteem, meaning how you feel about yourself, and stuff like causation, meaning you feeling that you have achieved all you are meant to be and you can be.

And now I used to believe I used to believe strongly until a year ago that, Oh, my God, and this is my best friend really helped me a lot overcome that and has made a huge change.

I used to tell me, yeah, man, but listen, you are happy when you help others.

Because if you help others, you feel good about yourself.

And what Sony, my my best friend, he taught me He’s like, No man.

You cannot feel happy when you help others, but you don’t help yourself.

But you don’t love yourself.

Because that’s just an external thing.

The fact that you the fact that you help others, you know, what, if you don’t have a chance to help others, how happy are you gonna be then.

So you don’t have to find happiness by doing something outside.

You find real, ultimate happiness, when you look inside, no matter how it is, and you accept anything as is, as is, and you still find happiness.

A lot of people are gonna say no, because

you should not stay as you are, you should Yeah,

it’s true, you should not stay as you are.

But if you try to be different, hating yourself, being frustrating yourself, finding yourself, you’re not going to get anywhere.

And just like I said earlier, even if you’re going to get somewhere, you’re not going to be happy because you hate yourself.

So, use those signs.

And a few thought, like I did that you have to do all these things, because people are gonna love you and you’re gonna see results.

And that’s the ultimate calling to help people.

Because that’s what’s gonna make you feel good.

Think again, that is good.

But only if you have had the previous step of fulfilling the love towards yourself.

You know, having love having the feeling of belonging, and especially in there fulfilling the need of love towards yourself first, then you can go out and you can help others and then you can embrace all the self esteem that comes from helping others.

But if you but if you don’t love yourself, all of that is just gonna be a cover up.

It’s never gonna be enough.

So if you want to start a business, if you want to make money if you want to have an impact on the world, if you want to be all you can be, but you haven’t yet spent the time to really look inside you and to see who you are no matter at what stage in your life no matter what, what good or bad things are inside you.

And then I want to tell you right now that you have to address that first.

You have to look inside you spend time know who you are.

And only then you’re going to be able, with all the fight and the results on the success that you want to have, and you strive to get, and it’s good to get, only then you’re going to be able to actually make it serve your ultimate purpose of being happy, otherwise gonna be all for nothing.

And you know, when you fall from somewhere high, it’s way more difficult than when you fall from somewhere where you really low, if you build riches, and if you build relationships with whatever people and you make money, and then you still are unhappy, because you see that you realize all of these and you’re still unhappy, then the the risk of depressions are so big, you see suicidal, and you don’t see as many suicidal thinking in people that you know, maybe are poor, as you see in people that had things that other people already wished for.

And they still got in deep depression and, and maybe even committed suicide, and they had, you know, wealth and whatever, because their previous needs of love, were not fulfilled.

But again, you cannot just look outside, give me love everybody give me a love and you know, praise me so that I have praised and so that I feel good.

No, if you have nothing from outside.

And only what you have inside makes you feel good and happy, then when you build everything else in outside is going to contribute to your happiness, because you do it because you’re happy.

And you want to share and make other people happy as well is not to compensate for your lack of happiness inside.

I’m not saying this by no means for you to judge other people, if you see them behaving bad with with someone else, or if you see them unhappy, although they look like they’ve got it all I’m saying for you to understand that and learn from that, and if possible, even to help now how can you help somebody? if they if they treat to kind of bad? Well, one of the most important things that you do is that tell them you can just tell them and don’t accept it.

And I would, I would even go further than that.

And if you really want to help somebody, because you maybe you spend the time and you realize who you are, and you love yourself as you are.

And that’s why you don’t expect other people do.

You don’t let other people to just disrespect you like that.

I would even do them the real favor and telling them listen, I look at you, and I see maybe these things.

But that’s just a sign that deep inside maybe you don’t love yourself, it’s not.

So it’s not about focusing on what they do is focusing on who they are basically, inside.

And this is the most painful thing is that

the people that have it all figured out, they will never just go out and admit that Yeah, you know, I look inside and I’m frustrated myself.

And I’m you know, and they don’t do that.

Because they feel that they’re going to fall off a cliff if they do that.

So they’re going to continue to keep that image.

They’re rare people and I’ve seen actually people on social media and you know, actors and whatever, that had the courage of saying it.

But you know, when they said it, after that behind the scenes, they went to whatever therapy, they went through all this breakout of, you know, everything that is on social media, and it’s feeding that monstrosity, if you have to achieve stuff and have stuff and actually keeping you empty inside.

And only after they fix that they were able to come outside and say this is what happens to me.

Just like me right now, I wouldn’t have said that.

If I would just feel that, Oh, my, I look inside me and I see that I’m a bad person.

I just hate myself and know in that moment, I couldn’t go out and do it.

Because you feel embarrassed and you feel ashamed.

But once you feel that you somehow start overcome that and in fact is helping other people if you say that, then you can do it.

So people are never going to admit it.

That’s what I’m what I’m trying to say people are not going to admit it.

But if you know if you look inside you right now and you know that you you behave with other people in a way that it’s not really nice.

Don’t just fight that behavior.

look inside and see.

When do you treat yourself like that and when did you start treating yourself like that? And start treating yourself well with and treating yourself what is not buying stuff for you.

Is not giving you money treating yourself Well, is saying, Yes, I know these things, these negative things of what I’m doing.

And I love myself as I am and try to think about what what triggered all this behavior, when did it all start and have that patience with yourself.

It’s not easy.

It’s not, it’s easier to build a business rather than doing this.

But if you, you know, I, as a startup coach, the, the, my main solving approach that helps people that want to build software products, is teaching them how to build something really small first, and validate and even build it without money.

So that’s why everything in life is around this approach of building a small MVP.

So you have to build something small, test it out, nurture yourself nursery, your emotions just a little bit, and then you’re going to see how everything changes, you don’t have to change everything right away your entire life.

Okay, guys, this is all that I wanted to say today.

We just treat others like we treat ourselves.

And that means that you don’t have to just change how you treat others.

It means that you have to change how you treat yourself first.

And then treating others is going to come naturally treat others up in a different way with respect is going to come because that’s who we are.

And if you see somebody else that trees like that, don’t judge them.

Don’t Don’t criticize them for their specific behavior, maybe help them identify what is deep down there for them.

That is, what is that behavior against themselves on? How do they treat themselves like that, but I’m telling you, it’s really hard.

So one of the things that you can do is to protect yourself, if you spend time with people like that, you’re gonna start feeling abused, and you’re gonna start hating yourself, because you’re gonna believe that you deserve that.

Because if they will have success, treat you like that.

And you pay, even treat themselves like that.

And that must be it.

And I have to treat myself like that.

And it’s not true.

So, go clean, do not stay and spend time with people do not learn from people, do not spend time with people, that that you feel that make you treat yourself bad, and makes you treat other people by learn that make that difference.

And rather spend time with people that have what you desire.

In the end, if you desire to build a business and learn for someone that has a business, know if your desire is to, for example, have a family and be happy in your family and you know, have love and you appreciate, you know, traveling with your family and spending time and then you’re going to spend time with people and you want to build a business to help you achieve that basically, or to finance that,

then you’re not going to build a business by learning from somebody that has a crappy life for that doesn’t have a good relationship with their their family or don’t value their family members don’t value friendships, they screw their friends all over the all the time, you cannot do that.

Learn from the people that that have that ultimate thing where you want to get or there on the way towards there and learn from them.

Because otherwise, it may be that the vehicle in itself, building a business that should serve you get the ultimate purpose you know of living a happy life and having good relationships and, and having people in your life and having that harmony.

The vehicle itself is making money is going to become the goal in itself.

And if it does, when you get there, even if you get there, you’re gonna feel empty.

And again, it’s gonna feel like jumping or falling off a cliff.

Okay, that’s it.

Treat yourself with respect.

Spend time understanding and know yourself and then unleash that towards the people around you.

Have a good day, guys.


Show Transcript

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